THE POWER OF FRAGILITY

     The word strength is undefinable. It does not have be a 300 pound man, his muscles rippling like shallow waves as they flex against his skin. As AP Language and Composition teacher Bethany Zilligen proves, strength is not constrained within appearance, gender, violence, or overbearing leadership. Strength lies within the eye of the beholder and the ability to remain soft when life has been little but rough.

    Zilligen may not be a veteran of war, but she is a

veteran of internal and societal conflict.

     “If I am truly honest and transparent, I think I often see myself, not so much as an outsider, but I often feel like I’m on the outside looking in,” Zilligen said. “I think I’m very mindful and thoughtful, sometimes too aware.”

     Her struggle and strength lies within prevailing over the harmful aspects of introversion and taking advantage of the beneficial ones.

     “My dad always said when I was growing up that I was too sensitive,” Zilligen said. “I wouldn’t say that I’m too sensitive. I am sensitive, but I’ve grown into the skin of

being okay with that. My sensitivity makes my job

challenging, but it gives me joy.”     

     Along with teaching, Zilligen returns home every day to her second job of single mother.

     “Becoming a mother was a very definitive time,”

Zilligen said. “I knew that I had always wanted to be a mom, but I especially wanted a girl. I wanted to raise a young woman to be a strong, young woman. I wanted to be burdened with that task. I will never forget when the doctor put her on my stomach and asked her name. I felt that burden so heavily. That was a time where I really started to look at myself and say, ‘Who am I?’ Who I say I am is who she, as a female, is going to model herself as.”

     Being a mother, in itself, is difficult, but becoming a single mother is an entirely new challenge of its own.

     “Having been married and unmarried was very

significant,” Zilligen said. “I had expectations that I put on myself and I rose to the occasion and decided to do what was best for me, for my child and for my future. I don’t want being a single mother to define who I am. She has a great father and I don’t want to disregard his place.”

     While Zilligen admittedly recognizes the difficulty of raising a child, she doesn’t neglect how much having a girl has improved herself as a person.

     “When you’re sensitive you can be sensitive to what others think about you, but not take a lot of time to be sensitive toward yourself,” Zilligen said. “Having a

daughter let me do that.”

     Strength also resides within having the courage to tell yourself that the common idea of happiness and success is not one you agree with.

    “In Hamilton County, we live in the suburbs,”

Zilligen said. “It feels like there is this expectation of what a mother and what a woman should be. In my mind, that expectation is that you have your two children and your husband and your little house and you live within a cul- de-sac and you’re barbecuing. I think people make these perfect plans and if you do all of these things correctly and in the right order it will make you feel good, but it left me feeling very empty when I realized I was shooting for someone else’s dream.”

     Even regarding her most difficult efforts, Zilligen

continues to credit her success to sources other than herself.

     “I am often told I should be more proud of being a single mom, but I don’t know,” Zilligen said. “I don’t think pride is something I should carry with me. But, I’m proud that I went back to get my teaching license. This is my second career. I’m in a place that brings me a lot of joy. And I’m proud that I accomplished that. Doing things that were challenging but I enjoyed.”

     Along with one last thing.

    “And, I’m a pretty good mom.”

CONFIDENCE IS KEY

     English teacher Mandi Bielanski has never shied away from a challenge. She was a three-sport athlete all throughout high school.

     “I have a passion for working hard,” Bielanski said.

     Alongside being a full-time teacher and a mom to two kids, Bielanski managed to further her learning in

Educational Administration.

     “Obtaining my masters degree [was] a big

accomplishment,” Bielanski said.

      Growing up, Bielanski was

never sure what she wanted to do after high school, so she assumed she’d stick with what’s comfortable.

    “Because I had played three sports in high school, I had always thought about coaching,” Bielanski said. “The only thing I ever really cared about was playing sports.”

     Despite receiving several

scholarship offers to play

basketball, Bielanski

decided to end her

sporting career and

become a normal

college student.

      “[Sports] affected every part of my life,” Bielanski said. “When I quit playing, it took me a good year or two to figure out who I was.”

     Despite her passion for coaching, Bielanski always had a desire to be a lawyer.

     “I always wanted to be a lawyer and I never thought that I was smart enough to do it,” Bielanski said.

     When Bielanski found her knack for teaching, she began to see who she was without sports.

     “Teaching has allowed me to be an all around better person,” Bielanski said. “It helped me to find myself.”

     One of the most important things about teaching for Bielanski is the atmosphere in her classroom.

     “I think [being laid back] allows students to feel

comfortable in my classroom, and that’s important to me,” Bielanski said.

     Despite her successful teaching career thus far,

Bielanski says that she still has more to learn.

     “I know that I don’t have the answer to everything, and I’m not perfect,” Bielanski said. “I make it known that that’s not my goal.”

     Being a good role model is important for Bielanski, so she attempts to instill her principal values into her students.

     “I hope that I influence [my students] to be

comfortable and confident,” Bielanski said. “And to shy away from worrying about what other people think.”