A notification appears on your dimly lit phone screen thirteen minutes past midnight. As you move to pick up your phone you begin to recognize the name on your screen; it’s your boyfriend. Opening the text thread, you expect to find a cute message saying he missed you and just wanted to say, “Hi.” However, when your eyes adjust to the darkness of your room, you are greeted with six words that nothing could have prepared you for: “I think we should break up.”
You’ve been dating for a year and a half, and thought everything was going well. You try to rack your brain for things you could’ve done better, or what you might have done wrong. But in the end, none of this mattered. His reasoning for breaking up with you out of the blue? You’re going to college. What?
Teenagers are expected to make some of the biggest decisions of their lives at the ripe age of 17 or 18. Choosing a school, field of study, and in turn, the path they’ll take for their future can be a stressful but exciting experience for most. On top of all this, it may seem like a relationship from high school is the last thing a graduating senior needs to carry with them onto the next phase of their life. To be frank, teens who are already thinking like this have something to consider: If they’re with someone they love, why is their relationship something they’re willing to toss away?
This is just another rule of the 21st century. For some twisted reason, it has been engraved in teenagers’ brains that college is strictly a time to mess around and do nothing of substance. While this may be partially true in some aspects, it shouldn’t be for relationships of real value.
Whether it’s an issue of popularity or status, teenagers are constantly trying to stay “cool” and stay within the trends that surround them. They take these habits to college and end their high school relationship for no real reason other than adhering to social norms. The excuse is always feeling the need to get the full college experience, but what really defines this stereotypical lifestyle that teens are striving for?
The college experience should be exploring the next chapter of a teenager’s life and figuring out who they want to be during this next stage. It should be a time of mapping out a career, post-undergraduate plans, and where they hope to eventually end up. Contrary to popular belief, sometimes it is okay to factor someone else into this equation if both people are equally committed to the relationship. While there should be limits—for example, basing major decisions on another person’s needs—if someone wants someone else to be in their life long-term, this is something to consider when making plans.
However, there is more to take into account when making such a big decision. It is sometimes easy to become distracted by the idea of life with this one person, and teens can lose sight of what is important for their future. A partner who gets in the way of someone’s goals is an issue that needs to be differentiated from the rest of the relationship. When starting a new era of life such as college, teens must be given room to grow. This goes for both sides of the relationship; a new environment is going to be daunting for most anyone. It is ultimately up to both people to choose whether they need to grow together or separately, which is a conversation more teenagers need to have. Regardless, starting the next part of life being single is not a bad thing.
The standard for what love should look like seems to be dwindling as the years pass, leaving only the classic rom coms to remember it by. In general, teens today don’t appear to care about true connection with one another as much as getting bored and moving onto the next person. The college experience is setting up unrealistic standards as to what else could be out there for young, developing relationships.
Having someone to share new experiences with shouldn’t be frowned upon, but rather celebrated. It is a rare privilege to be able to grow alongside someone for the majority of life. Or, the end of high school could also bring an end to all the potential that’s been building for what seems like a lifetime. After all, who would want to stay in a happy and healthy relationship, right?
